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While she may have been a little surprised, at first, Abbi did ultimately strap on the dick and give it to her boo just the way he wanted it. But butt play can be scary for the uninitiated.

Unlike the vagina or mouth, the butt obviously does not self lubricate, and it can be scary to figure out how, exactly, you should go about putting stuff up. The anal sphincter entry to the bum, aka butthole is full of sensitive nerve endings that respond well to rimming, anal massage, and the in-n-out movement of anal beads. Internally, prostate-havers can experience strong full body orgasms simply from stimulation or what is often referenced as the p-spot.

Those with a clitoris can stimulate the legs of their clitoris, also known as the a-spot located an inch or two deeper than the g-spotthrough anal play. Step one is obviously seeing if they're into it. Maybe, like Jeremy, your partner has already told you that they're down with pegging.

Pegging, by the way, is the term for people with vaginas doing people with penises in the butt with a strap on. The term comes from a contest that sex advice columnist Dan Savage held searching for a name for the sex act. The most important thing you have to do if you're going to be introducing butt stuff with your partner is talk about — a lot.

Obviously you have to talk about it at first but you also have to keep talking throughout the whole experience. Small like pinky small. Tearing, friends, is real.

In order to make sure that the whole anal play experience is good for your partner, start small and then build up as they and their butt get more and more accustomed i things being up.

Use lube. Lots of lube.

Not spit: After a few minutes, they should be relaxed enough for you to go for it. Hoat your partner clench and unclench their sphincter once your finger or toy is already in.

This post was originally published on August 12, It was updated on August 19,